This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Maya’s Survivor Journey 

Maya has had a hard and difficult life, being exposed to domestic violence more than once. She’s a strong, caring advocate for women and children; always willing to help someone in need.

Survivor leadership is an essential aspect of Sanctuary’s work. Can you describe how survivor-led initiatives have made a difference in the fight against domestic violence?

It opened my eyes to what needs to be addressed. I have taken many classes on different forms of domestic violence along with many other aspects of violence. It made me more impassioned to make a change.

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

I made connections with the head of a Family Justice Center (FJC). I spoke out at Denim Day on sexual assault to explain what happened to me and what needs to be changed. I connected with women from the Women’s Bar association, speaking/learning what is down the pipeline. I have become involved with many Sanctuary committees to make a change.

How has your experience as a survivor influenced your approach to supporting others who have experienced gender-based violence?

Since I’m a survivor forever and now dealing with PTSD, I know how to address everyone with empathy along with letting them tell their stories or just sitting with them. It opened my eyes on what still needs to be done in making a change.

What challenges have you encountered in your journey towards healing and advocacy, and how have you overcome them?

Dealing with a broken family and going through court as an adult. Dealing with a broken family, I have distanced myself from certain members. When I was a child is when the domestic violence laws first came about, and I am still dealing with the broken court system and orders of protection which I had to deal with as a child and adult. I continue to learn different types of therapy along with grounding myself.

What advice do you have for other survivors who may be hesitant to come forward or ger involved in advocacy work?

It’s ok to come out and help others instead of letting people suffer. Everyone needs to know what happens behind closed doors. So much must still needs to be done.

In your opinion, what are some of the most significant barriers or misconceptions that still exist when it comes to addressing domestic violence?

It’s not believed. People misconstrue that those that know the survivor or victim will probably get harmed too. People don’t understand the difference of abuse.

What are some ways that people can get involved or support survivors through DVAM and beyond?

They can be compassionate and help in the court process as a support. Reach out to advocates, NYPD (there domestic violence offices in each precinct) and just talk about it. There are different forms to look out for and there are many different power wheels. On Purple awareness days in October, wear purple. There are many ways to volunteer at domestic violence places all year long.

Is there a particular message or call to action you’d like to convey in honor of DVAM?

There needs to be more consistency with the laws and procedures. People need to speak out against it as it’s not ok. I have been a strong survivor since I was a child. It’s time to help those that are still in jails to protect themselves. It’s time to stop domestic violence which is not just physical, but also mental and emotional.

“It’s time to stop domestic violence which is not just physical, but also mental and emotional.”

Join Maya in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

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This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Breaking Stereotypes

I know I’m not what most people have in mind when they think “domestic violence survivor.” As a white, well-educated, professional woman working in the fields of non-profit administration and education, I fit the stereotype of the person helping the DV survivor, not the person receiving services. But there’s so many things wrong with that picture.

After years of counseling and advocacy work with Sanctuary for Families, I now know in my bones that DV affects women across ALL races, ethnicities, and economic brackets. But before I began my journey with SFF, I carried a lot of shame about my abuse.

I used to have a narrative that went something like this:

“Surely as a smart, ‘together’ woman, I should have been able to prevent the emotional and physical abuse from happening to me? And as a white middle-class woman, what do I have to complain about anyway? There are many others less fortunate than me who deserve help more than I do.”

In short, I felt guilty for “permitting” the abuse to happen in the first place, and then guilty for “using up” services that could have gone to others.

When I expressed these guilty reservations I had about being a client to my first counselor at Sanctuary for Families, she said something that cut through my own limiting beliefs. She said: “Kristin, we are an organization that helps keep people who are experiencing intimate partner violence safe. Do you feel unsafe in your home?” The answer was unequivocally yes. “Well, then,” she said, “We are here to serve you.”

Later that month the same counselor helped me and my son go into shelter, and eventually find the apartment where we still live.

A year later I became a Survivor Leader with Sanctuary, giving the keynote speech at the Zero Tolerance fundraiser in 2017. Since then I’ve done all sorts of advocacy work—ranging from parole officer trainings to lobbying in Albany to teaching dating safety to high school students. Every time I get up to speak, I think I can see the flicker of confusion in the audience’s eyes: “What is this middle-class white lady doing here?”

But rather than falling back into my old self-doubts, I now lean into using my appearance and experience as powerful tools to de-stigmatize gender violence. It’s like I’m saying,

“Here I am! I am living proof that DV can happen anywhere, to anyone. And also living proof that even those of us who have relative privilege in our culture need help escaping the many interwoven systems of oppression that keep victims of intimate partner violence trapped.”

What I want people experiencing DV to know is that there are SO MANY other people out there going through what you’re going through—black and white and Asian and Latinx, rich and middle-class and poor, straight and queer, professional and working class, old and young. Every time one of us shares our story, we make it easier for other people to escape and thrive. Because together—in all our diversity and complexity—we are tearing down stereotypes and misconceptions, and making each other stronger.

Join Kristin in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

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This Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) and beyond, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Ashley Marte is a mother of three children, full-time student, online support group moderator, and Survivor Leader. 

Survivor leadership is an essential aspect of Sanctuary’s work. Can you describe how survivor-led initiatives or programs have made a difference in the fight against domestic violence?

Survivor Leaders make a difference by bringing awareness to what a Survivor is going through. Not only do we have lived experience, but it also allows us to have more connection with another Survivor. It makes a huge difference when the survivor feels the genuine empathy approach from survivor led efforts.

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

Being able to speak at Zero Tolerance for Sanctuary for Families this year was an incredible advocacy experience. Speaking in my public speaking class about gender-based violence during DVAM. I was able to share knowing the signs. It felt great to share this information to a larger community of both young college students and older adults. Not only does this offer a learning opportunity for others, but it also builds awareness to know the signs of when someone is in danger, when to ask for help, etc. My ongoing yearly advocacy efforts of about 4 years on Facebook to support survivors of gender-based violence through housing and other resources. This Facebook group has a following of 60k, and I check in with my followers on a daily basis. The most impactful moments for me are the positive outcomes I get to hear from the individuals I assist in getting them to the next step of their life and the thank you’s is what impacts me most.

How has your experience as a survivor influenced your approach to supporting others who have experienced gender violence?

Given my experience as a survivor, I feel that this has influenced me in being empathic and compassionate. It has also influenced me in wanting to acquire education and awareness. Being a part of Survivor Leadership allows me to help others more in depth.

What challenges have you encountered in your journey toward healing and advocacy, and how have you overcome them?

Some challenges that I have encountered would be advice not being taken, being back in a position I do not want to be in. Only a survivor can recognize when it’s their time to make the change. Accepting help from others, learning to accept help from others and building trust with people who actually care for you. Burnout has helped me realize I cannot do it all on my own. Like they say, it’s a village.

What advice do you have for other survivors who may be hesitant to come forward or get involved in advocacy work?

My advice for survivors is to come forward and seek help. Shamed. You are not the only one. There are people here who are willing to help. This advocacy work is something that was never a part of my plan and it landed in my lap. Find it within you. Seek the help and take the help. Be okay and heal from your story in order to be able to help others. We all fall in love sometimes but sometimes the love is not good for us.

“Find it within you. Seek the help and take the help. Be okay and heal from your story in order to be able to help others. We all fall in love sometimes but sometimes the love is not good for us.”

In your opinion, what are some of the most significant barriers or misconceptions that still exist when it comes to addressing domestic violence?

Misconception around boundaries because some people do not realize setting boundaries is really to protect yourself. Staying grounded in what you want more out of your relationship. It put restrictions and limits on how the other person should have access to you. A man will do what you allow him to do. And that word of advice came from my abuser. It does not matter what the situation is.

What are some ways that people can get involved or support survivors throughout DVAM and beyond?

People can get involved by volunteering and donating to survivors and their families. Represent by wearing purple. Little things matter. Action speaks louder words. By paying it forward, you are helping someone in need. If you cannot support yourself by speaking on it. Open the door for survivors to opportunities they never thought they could receive.

Is there a particular message or call to action you’d like to convey in honor of DVAM?

We march in purple! We stand in purple!

Join Ashley in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

   Make a Gift