This Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Fellow Survivor Leader Jessica Muñoz sat down with Jennifer to discuss her advocacy work and more. 

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

The recent advocacy work I have been a part of was the FBI Employee Mental Health Fair and Brides March. The moments that have been most impactful to me were when I was in the fair, and I was educating a lady on Mental Health and learned that she wanted to give back to the community with her beauty services. I was a bit shocked because that’s one of the projects I was working on, and this was definitely an opportunity to work together to offer as much as possible to the community.

Another moment was in the Brides March when the family of the woman whom the March was dedicated to was speaking on how one should be able to leave a situation and not have it follow them. These words sent chills down my spine because it’s very true and it reminded me of my personal experience and what many survivors go through today.

Tell me about a time you felt beautiful? Can you link this to a moment in your healing and compare it to a time you did not feel beautiful?

When I was 15, I was in the Mac store with my mother, after school shopping. I was getting a makeover and when I looked in the mirror my self-esteem immediately rose and I felt so beautiful. I didn’t feel scared anymore to go to high school and deal with bullying. It felt like a shield like I can face anything. Before this moment, I always felt subconscious about myself because of the bullying I would go through in middle school. Now till this day I use beauty as a way to take my power back and reinvent myself.

 You work in the beauty industry. Do you think the beauty salon is a good environment to discuss intimate partner violence?

I think it is because beauty is a form of healing. If you have a beauty professional that you trust it can be a moment to open up and the beauty professional could seek resources to give. Beauty professionals often see signs of abuse with marks on the body and missing spots of hair. It would be better if all beauty professionals got trained on domestic violence and how to handle it in a matter that keeps the clients, the staff and the salon safe.

Check out Jennifer’s beauty business on Instagram at @lashodite. 

Do you like the idea of bringing advocacy to the beauty salon, and in your opinion, what is the best way to connect with someone? Just to begin a conversation and let the client talk as you do their lashes? How do you make someone feel comfortable talking to you?

Yes, I like the idea of advocacy in a beauty salon. The best way to connect with someone is making them feel comfortable first by asking them about their day and if they are comfortable in the chair and then giving them the space to ask you questions and talk about what’s on their mind. I always smile and be kind. I believe that clients read my energy and feel safe around me.

As a bilingual Latina woman can you tell me what we should be doing to reach our Spanish speakers in this city and let them know about options they have to overcome gender-based violence?

I think it’s important to team up with Spanish-speaking advocates who can share the resources that are needed for domestic violence and translate any resources that are not in Spanish (internet resources).

“La violencia de género es muy serio. Estoy en contra y creo que es importante educar a todos sobre las señales, la historia, los daños que causa y los recursos disponibles.”

Has your identity as Puerto Rican woman affected how you might approach advocacy work? Do you think we’ve missed anything concerning catering to our Latine survivors?

It has affected me a bit because I know sometimes I try to give resources and sometimes the women are culturally house wives who are rarely alone so I have to do it in a moment when their significant other steps out or is busy. Sometimes they feel stuck because they have lived most of their lives with their significant other and make decisions with them. The best thing to do is have them memorize the number of the domestic violence hotline in an easy way at a safe time.

Overall in your option, what do people get wrong or think wrong when it comes to domestic violence?

People often believe that men do not get abused and that people choose their situation. Men have feelings and deserve respect. Education on domestic violence empowers you to see manipulation and abuse and allows you to seek help.

Have you enjoyed the experience of being a survivor leader and connecting with other survivor leaders? I ask this because I have so enjoyed going to advocacy events with you and getting to know you. 

I have enjoyed my experience and I know I will continue to enjoy it. I feel that my presence and the presence of my group have allowed us to educate and spread awareness. It has also allowed us to become stronger as one because we all give each other strength and support and when we work together we make change happen through our pain.

I really admired your writing in the narrative therapy workshop we did together as survivor leaders, can you tell me a little more about that experience and how it felt for you?

Narrative therapy helped me be more aware of how I perceive other people’s quotes and art and helped me be more open minded. Also, it showed me where I needed a bit more work and where I have healed.

Join Jennifer in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

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This Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Esperanza is a survivor of domestic violence who escaped an abusive relationship with her child’s father. Sanctuary was able to provide services and support her and her child with their services. Now that Esperanza is no longer a victim, she seeks ways to advocate and support other survivors throughout NYC.

Survivor leadership is an essential aspect of Sanctuary’s work. Can you describe how survivor-led initiatives or programs have made a difference in the fight against domestic violence?

The survivor leadership program has helped me gain a deep understanding of myself as a survivor. This program made an immense impact by helping me understand the domestic violence cycle and why it was so difficult for me to escape. This program not only educated me but it also inspired me to want to advocate for survivors in the future.

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

Some of the advocacy work I have been a part of are events which offer outreach in local communities in underserved neighborhoods and even assisting in curriculum for the next survivor leadership cohort for 2023-2024. All of my involvement in advocacy work has been impactful to me. I have a deep passion inside to want to work and help others who may be in need of services from Sanctuary for Families.

How has your experience as a survivor influenced your approach to supporting others who have experienced gender violence?

I felt my experience as a victim was humiliating, many lacked empathy, consideration, and many programs had professionals that were just disconnected from understanding the hardships that survivors face. Me and my child found safety and support from the services that were provided from Sanctuary. The experience I gained from Sanctuary helped me understand healthy approaches to support others who experienced gender violence. The approach to learning at Sanctuary is what helped me begin a path of healing and also influenced me to want to support others who experienced gender violence.

What challenges have you encountered in your journey toward healing and advocacy, and how have you overcome them?

Some of the challenges I faced were learning to feel comfortable to express myself. I struggled with being able to communicate and express my thoughts. This program provided me with a safe space to express my feelings and thoughts which finally gave me peace of mind. Sanctuary helped me take the first steps towards a journey of self healing.

What advice do you have for other survivors who may be hesitant to come forward or get involved in advocacy work?

When this program was presented to me I was hesitant because I felt I wouldn’t be good enough to do advocacy work. However, I quickly learned and felt so proud that I joined and met all the people who make this program possible. The Advocacy program not only helps others, it also helps survivors to heal as they are in a position to assist others who may be in need. Advocacy needs to be run by survivors who are experienced in this topic.

In your opinion, what are some of the most significant barriers or misconceptions that still exist when it comes to addressing domestic violence?

One of the biggest misconceptions is that people on the outside look at domestic violence as something that is easy to just walk away from and it’s so much more complex in so many ways. We need more advocacy from actual survivors because there are so many survivors who remain silent.

What are some ways that people can get involved or support survivors throughout DVAM and beyond?

All people can get involved to support survivors, we welcome all people to join DVAM as we try to spread awareness. We truly need support in making changes in our judicial system where it supports victims instead of exposing them to more trauma.

Is there a particular message or call to action you’d like to convey in honor of DVAM?

We all have to unite if we want to make a change. Survivors have to feel their voice matters, our justice system needs to make changes, we have to start holding abusers accountable for their actions. We must stand up, we must use our voice, we need to be heard not just through Domestic Violence Awareness Month but throughout all injustices that happen to our strong survivors. We need a system that is willing to support survivors and children who are affected.

“We all have to unite if we want to make a change. Survivors have to feel their voice matters, our justice system needs to make changes, we have to start holding abusers accountable for their actions.”

I chose the image of the tree of life to symbolize roots where we started and growth to who we have become today as advocates.

Join Esperanza in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

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This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Maya’s Survivor Journey 

Maya has had a hard and difficult life, being exposed to domestic violence more than once. She’s a strong, caring advocate for women and children; always willing to help someone in need.

Survivor leadership is an essential aspect of Sanctuary’s work. Can you describe how survivor-led initiatives have made a difference in the fight against domestic violence?

It opened my eyes to what needs to be addressed. I have taken many classes on different forms of domestic violence along with many other aspects of violence. It made me more impassioned to make a change.

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

I made connections with the head of a Family Justice Center (FJC). I spoke out at Denim Day on sexual assault to explain what happened to me and what needs to be changed. I connected with women from the Women’s Bar association, speaking/learning what is down the pipeline. I have become involved with many Sanctuary committees to make a change.

How has your experience as a survivor influenced your approach to supporting others who have experienced gender-based violence?

Since I’m a survivor forever and now dealing with PTSD, I know how to address everyone with empathy along with letting them tell their stories or just sitting with them. It opened my eyes on what still needs to be done in making a change.

What challenges have you encountered in your journey towards healing and advocacy, and how have you overcome them?

Dealing with a broken family and going through court as an adult. Dealing with a broken family, I have distanced myself from certain members. When I was a child is when the domestic violence laws first came about, and I am still dealing with the broken court system and orders of protection which I had to deal with as a child and adult. I continue to learn different types of therapy along with grounding myself.

What advice do you have for other survivors who may be hesitant to come forward or ger involved in advocacy work?

It’s ok to come out and help others instead of letting people suffer. Everyone needs to know what happens behind closed doors. So much must still needs to be done.

In your opinion, what are some of the most significant barriers or misconceptions that still exist when it comes to addressing domestic violence?

It’s not believed. People misconstrue that those that know the survivor or victim will probably get harmed too. People don’t understand the difference of abuse.

What are some ways that people can get involved or support survivors through DVAM and beyond?

They can be compassionate and help in the court process as a support. Reach out to advocates, NYPD (there domestic violence offices in each precinct) and just talk about it. There are different forms to look out for and there are many different power wheels. On Purple awareness days in October, wear purple. There are many ways to volunteer at domestic violence places all year long.

Is there a particular message or call to action you’d like to convey in honor of DVAM?

There needs to be more consistency with the laws and procedures. People need to speak out against it as it’s not ok. I have been a strong survivor since I was a child. It’s time to help those that are still in jails to protect themselves. It’s time to stop domestic violence which is not just physical, but also mental and emotional.

“It’s time to stop domestic violence which is not just physical, but also mental and emotional.”

Join Maya in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

   Make a Gift  

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 

Breaking Stereotypes

I know I’m not what most people have in mind when they think “domestic violence survivor.” As a white, well-educated, professional woman working in the fields of non-profit administration and education, I fit the stereotype of the person helping the DV survivor, not the person receiving services. But there’s so many things wrong with that picture.

After years of counseling and advocacy work with Sanctuary for Families, I now know in my bones that DV affects women across ALL races, ethnicities, and economic brackets. But before I began my journey with SFF, I carried a lot of shame about my abuse.

I used to have a narrative that went something like this:

“Surely as a smart, ‘together’ woman, I should have been able to prevent the emotional and physical abuse from happening to me? And as a white middle-class woman, what do I have to complain about anyway? There are many others less fortunate than me who deserve help more than I do.”

In short, I felt guilty for “permitting” the abuse to happen in the first place, and then guilty for “using up” services that could have gone to others.

When I expressed these guilty reservations I had about being a client to my first counselor at Sanctuary for Families, she said something that cut through my own limiting beliefs. She said: “Kristin, we are an organization that helps keep people who are experiencing intimate partner violence safe. Do you feel unsafe in your home?” The answer was unequivocally yes. “Well, then,” she said, “We are here to serve you.”

Later that month the same counselor helped me and my son go into shelter, and eventually find the apartment where we still live.

A year later I became a Survivor Leader with Sanctuary, giving the keynote speech at the Zero Tolerance fundraiser in 2017. Since then I’ve done all sorts of advocacy work—ranging from parole officer trainings to lobbying in Albany to teaching dating safety to high school students. Every time I get up to speak, I think I can see the flicker of confusion in the audience’s eyes: “What is this middle-class white lady doing here?”

But rather than falling back into my old self-doubts, I now lean into using my appearance and experience as powerful tools to de-stigmatize gender violence. It’s like I’m saying,

“Here I am! I am living proof that DV can happen anywhere, to anyone. And also living proof that even those of us who have relative privilege in our culture need help escaping the many interwoven systems of oppression that keep victims of intimate partner violence trapped.”

What I want people experiencing DV to know is that there are SO MANY other people out there going through what you’re going through—black and white and Asian and Latinx, rich and middle-class and poor, straight and queer, professional and working class, old and young. Every time one of us shares our story, we make it easier for other people to escape and thrive. Because together—in all our diversity and complexity—we are tearing down stereotypes and misconceptions, and making each other stronger.

Join Kristin in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

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