Empowering Teens to Break the Cycle of Domestic Violence (part 2)

Andrea Yeriazarian

It’s not easy being 17. At Sanctuary, we’re working to help teens navigate negative messages and achieve healthy relationships.

This is the second part of a two-part interview. Read part one.

At Sanctuary, I have the opportunity to work with teens like Lena to counteract messages about unhealthy relationships and “break the cycle” of domestic violence.

The Children and Youth Services Program staff offer a range of services specifically designed to meet the needs of teens – from individual counseling, to educational support, leadership workshops, and even a comprehensive Afterschool Enrichment Program that operates three days per week.

During counseling sessions with Lena, we spent a lot of time talking about what kind of things she would want in a relationship, what she felt she needed from a supportive partner. We talked about different aspects of the unhealthy and abusive relationship she had witnessed between her parents, and what the alternatives were for a healthy relationship.

I never tell a teen I’m working with what to do – that doesn’t work. I want teens to really think about these things on their own, with my help, so that they can figure out what they want in their lives and what they want out of a loving relationship.

I help them understand that because they saw violence growing up doesn’t necessarily mean it is normal or okay, but instead that there are all different ways to have a relationship and to communicate effectively what you want and how you feel.

The biggest challenge I face is working with teens families who have so many competing needs. Most of the families I work with have really concrete issues that need to be addressed, due to financial struggles, and due to systems that continue to oppress the teen and their family (including the public benefits system, education system, court system, or just racism/classism/sexism in general).

When my clients are returning to chaotic and violent neighborhoods and homes, it’s hard to help them focus during a counseling session on discussing their feelings.

That said, working with teens is amazing. I’ve worked with teens and young people from 12-25 years of age from all over the world and various educational, socio-economic, religious, and ethnic/racial backgrounds and I have learned something from all of them.

One thing I’ve learned, is that teens can tell when you’re being fake or just trying to placate them – if you’re honest with them, they will be honest with you. It’s a great feeling to get to know a teen, have them share things with you about their lives, and then help them figure out what they want for themselves and how to achieve it.

For Lena, talking through practical examples of healthy versus not healthy relationships was huge. She started thinking that healthy relationships were impossible, but eventually saw they were possible and that she deserved to have healthy relationships in the future.

The power of providing services to teens is that I can intervene at a really critical time in a teen’s life, and empower a teen like Lena to create a really different, healthy and fulfilling future for herself.

Andrea Yeriazarian has been working with kids and teens since she became a social worker 11 years ago. Andrea has spent 9 of those years with Sanctuary’s Children’s and Youth Services Program, and has been a leader in shaping the agency’s services for teens.

View all of our Domestic Violence Awareness Month blog posts and awareness-raising efforts!

Leading children from fear to safety (part two)

Sanctuary for Families

Find out how our counselors work with children to break the cycle of violence.

This Q&A with Children’s and Youth Services Program Director Pam Krasner is part two of a series. Read part one. 

What sets your staff’s approach to therapy apart?

Pam: Much of what we do is help children feel safe. We do our best to create a non-judgmental, client-centered space. We focus on self-determination at any age – children already only have so much control over their lives and much of that is stripped away under domestic violence, so we work to restore that confidence.

We let the children lead. The topics they bring up, the stories they tell in play therapy – all of that informs our understanding of what is happening. When children are dealing with anxiety and fear, we teach them breathing exercises, just like an adult might try. We talk to them about healthy relationships. We make it clear that the abuse is not their fault.

What is the hardest part of your job?

Pam: Knowing that children can’t protect themselves. For Kasey, Carl, and Joey – the kids I spoke about earlier – when they were at Sanctuary, when they were with their mom, I knew they were safe. But their father still had ongoing visitation, and none of us could be there when they went to stay with him. It was hard to not feel worried about what might happen when he was in charge. This is not uncommon, and it’s why self-care is such a critical part of this work.

Despite the challenges, does this work ever bring you joy?

Pam: Absolutely. Seeing a child like Joey go from being delayed and afraid to laughing, walking and taking my hand? That’s incredible. Working with children, I see my role as helping to stop the cycle. I am working with kids during a time when I can really make a difference, educate, and show them an alternative path forward. That knowledge makes the tough times easier.

Sanctuary recently announced a new Strategic Plan that emphasizes expanding our impact on children and youth. What do you envision for CYSP moving forward?

Pam: First of all, expansion of CYSP is critical. We perpetually have a waitlist. We do not have enough resources to meet the extensive need for children’s domestic violence services in New York City.

Second, we are working on processes to identify the children of clients more quickly, assess their needs more fully, and intervene more effectively. I am proud of how we do all of that now, but as I mentioned, we sometimes encounter barriers to providing treatment, like when parents are resistant to services because they don’t think the children were affected. In these cases, it can takes longer for CYSP to get involved. There is definitely room for improvement.

Finally, I think we do a great job collaboratively and holistically addressing a family’s complete needs – guided by Sanctuary’s model. But we could be working more closely with lawyers, shelter staff, and other individuals involved. This is definitely a priority moving forward.

Pam, thank you for joining us today!

Learn more about the Children’s and Youth Services Program, and take part in all of our Domestic Violence Awareness Month activities. Check back next Monday when we feature a story from Sanctuary’s Rosa Parks emergency shelter.