Survivor Leader Spotlight: Kristin Mathis

“Every time one of us shares our story, we make it easier for other people to escape and thrive.”

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 


Breaking Stereotypes

I know I’m not what most people have in mind when they think “domestic violence survivor.” As a white, well-educated, professional woman working in the fields of non-profit administration and education, I fit the stereotype of the person helping the DV survivor, not the person receiving services. But there’s so many things wrong with that picture.

After years of counseling and advocacy work with Sanctuary for Families, I now know in my bones that DV affects women across ALL races, ethnicities, and economic brackets. But before I began my journey with SFF, I carried a lot of shame about my abuse.

I used to have a narrative that went something like this:

“Surely as a smart, ‘together’ woman, I should have been able to prevent the emotional and physical abuse from happening to me? And as a white middle-class woman, what do I have to complain about anyway? There are many others less fortunate than me who deserve help more than I do.”

In short, I felt guilty for “permitting” the abuse to happen in the first place, and then guilty for “using up” services that could have gone to others.

When I expressed these guilty reservations I had about being a client to my first counselor at Sanctuary for Families, she said something that cut through my own limiting beliefs. She said: “Kristin, we are an organization that helps keep people who are experiencing intimate partner violence safe. Do you feel unsafe in your home?” The answer was unequivocally yes. “Well, then,” she said, “We are here to serve you.”

Later that month the same counselor helped me and my son go into shelter, and eventually find the apartment where we still live.

A year later I became a Survivor Leader with Sanctuary, giving the keynote speech at the Zero Tolerance fundraiser in 2017. Since then I’ve done all sorts of advocacy work—ranging from parole officer trainings to lobbying in Albany to teaching dating safety to high school students. Every time I get up to speak, I think I can see the flicker of confusion in the audience’s eyes: “What is this middle-class white lady doing here?”

But rather than falling back into my old self-doubts, I now lean into using my appearance and experience as powerful tools to de-stigmatize gender violence. It’s like I’m saying,

“Here I am! I am living proof that DV can happen anywhere, to anyone. And also living proof that even those of us who have relative privilege in our culture need help escaping the many interwoven systems of oppression that keep victims of intimate partner violence trapped.”

What I want people experiencing DV to know is that there are SO MANY other people out there going through what you’re going through—black and white and Asian and Latinx, rich and middle-class and poor, straight and queer, professional and working class, old and young. Every time one of us shares our story, we make it easier for other people to escape and thrive. Because together—in all our diversity and complexity—we are tearing down stereotypes and misconceptions, and making each other stronger.

Kristin at Sanctuary’s 2017 Zero Tolerance Benefit

Join Kristin in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

   Make a Gift  

Survivor Leader Spotlight: Ashley Marte

Ashley Marte is a mother of three children, full-time student, online support group moderator, and Survivor Leader.

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) and beyond, we’re spotlighting some of our incredible Survivor Leaders, former clients of Sanctuary who go through a 12-week training and certification course to prepare them to make system-wide change through advocacy, training, program development, and working directly with other survivors. 


Ashley Marte is a mother of three children, full-time student, online support group moderator, and Survivor Leader. 

Survivor leadership is an essential aspect of Sanctuary’s work. Can you describe how survivor-led initiatives or programs have made a difference in the fight against domestic violence?

Survivor Leaders make a difference by bringing awareness to what a Survivor is going through. Not only do we have lived experience, but it also allows us to have more connection with another Survivor. It makes a huge difference when the survivor feels the genuine empathy approach from survivor led efforts.

Can you tell me about some recent advocacy work you’ve been involved in, and which moments have been the most impactful to you?

Being able to speak at Zero Tolerance for Sanctuary for Families this year was an incredible advocacy experience. Speaking in my public speaking class about gender-based violence during DVAM. I was able to share knowing the signs. It felt great to share this information to a larger community of both young college students and older adults. Not only does this offer a learning opportunity for others, but it also builds awareness to know the signs of when someone is in danger, when to ask for help, etc. My ongoing yearly advocacy efforts of about 4 years on Facebook to support survivors of gender-based violence through housing and other resources. This Facebook group has a following of 60k, and I check in with my followers on a daily basis. The most impactful moments for me are the positive outcomes I get to hear from the individuals I assist in getting them to the next step of their life and the thank you’s is what impacts me most.

Ashley speaking at Sanctuary’s 2023 Zero Tolerance Benefit

How has your experience as a survivor influenced your approach to supporting others who have experienced gender violence?

Given my experience as a survivor, I feel that this has influenced me in being empathic and compassionate. It has also influenced me in wanting to acquire education and awareness. Being a part of Survivor Leadership allows me to help others more in depth.

What challenges have you encountered in your journey toward healing and advocacy, and how have you overcome them?

Some challenges that I have encountered would be advice not being taken, being back in a position I do not want to be in. Only a survivor can recognize when it’s their time to make the change. Accepting help from others, learning to accept help from others and building trust with people who actually care for you. Burnout has helped me realize I cannot do it all on my own. Like they say, it’s a village.

What advice do you have for other survivors who may be hesitant to come forward or get involved in advocacy work?

My advice for survivors is to come forward and seek help. Shamed. You are not the only one. There are people here who are willing to help. This advocacy work is something that was never a part of my plan and it landed in my lap. Find it within you. Seek the help and take the help. Be okay and heal from your story in order to be able to help others. We all fall in love sometimes but sometimes the love is not good for us.

“Find it within you. Seek the help and take the help. Be okay and heal from your story in order to be able to help others. We all fall in love sometimes but sometimes the love is not good for us.”

In your opinion, what are some of the most significant barriers or misconceptions that still exist when it comes to addressing domestic violence?

Misconception around boundaries because some people do not realize setting boundaries is really to protect yourself. Staying grounded in what you want more out of your relationship. It put restrictions and limits on how the other person should have access to you. A man will do what you allow him to do. And that word of advice came from my abuser. It does not matter what the situation is.

What are some ways that people can get involved or support survivors throughout DVAM and beyond?

People can get involved by volunteering and donating to survivors and their families. Represent by wearing purple. Little things matter. Action speaks louder words. By paying it forward, you are helping someone in need. If you cannot support yourself by speaking on it. Open the door for survivors to opportunities they never thought they could receive.

Is there a particular message or call to action you’d like to convey in honor of DVAM?

We march in purple! We stand in purple!


Join Ashley in standing with survivors of gender violence. Your gift supports Sanctuary’s life-saving work with thousands of families escaping abuse.

   Make a Gift  

Weil, Gotshal, and Freshfields Team Secures Multiple Victories for Survivor of Religious Sect and Her Children

At this year’s Above & Beyond Awards, Sanctuary will honor a Weil, Gotshal, and Freshfields team for their work representing a mother in federal court for several years in the face of repeated threats by her ex-husband and his associates and the kidnappings of her children. 

At this year’s Above & Beyond Awards, Sanctuary for Families is pleased to honor Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer’s Timothy Howard, Xiaoxi Tu, and Nate Montalto, and Weil Gotshal & Manges’ Steven A. Reiss, Adam C. Hemlock, Rachel Crosswell, Selma Haveric, and Liz Klinger for their team’s work representing a mother in federal court for several years, in the face of repeated threats by her ex-husband and his associates and the kidnappings of her children. 

Rachel[1] is the daughter of the founder of an extremist religious sect and the mother of six beautiful children. The group exerts severe psychological and physical control over its members, practices child marriage, engages in an atypical form of dress for women, and has adopted unusually restrictive religious practices in diet and religious study. Women are confined entirely to the domestic sphere and excluded entirely from decision-making. Members, including children, are punished harshly for the slightest infraction by sleep deprivation, false imprisonment, and many forms of psychological and physical abuse. These practices have led to repeated run-ins with child welfare authorities, prompting the group to flee the United States to reside in Canada, Mexico, and Guatemala. When sect leaders ordered the marriage of Rachel’s 13-year-old daughter and retaliated against Rachel when she opposed it, she made a daring and dangerous escape with her children and fled to the United States.

Rachel obtained a temporary custody order and order of protection in Brooklyn Family Court, but it was far from over; the children’s father filed a petition under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction (the “Hague Convention”) and claimed jurisdiction should be Guatemala, where the sect had previously settled. With this set of very difficult circumstances, the Weil Gotshal team jumped in to help.  After extensive trial preparation and many court appearances, and strategic motion practice, the Hague Convention case was dismissed with prejudice.  But before that happened, just as Rachel and her children were beginning to enjoy a settled life in Brooklyn, they experienced a new traumatic event:  the sect lured away her eldest two children from a location in northern New York where they were on a sleep away trip, and spirited them across the border and later into Mexico.  Rachel was devastated.  Fortunately, the FBI, working closely with Mexican law enforcement, was able to locate the children and return them to New York, where it charged seven individual members of the sect with kidnapping.  The team then represented Rachel as a witness in the criminal federal cases that stemmed from the kidnapping.

It was a complex task because of the multiple aspects of the Hague Convention case and the federal criminal case along with the custody case in family court.  The team worked diligently to ensure that one piece of testimony would not contradict or harm one of the other proceedings while supporting their traumatized client.  This presented a very big learning curve for everyone on the case, but the team was up to the challenge, forging a strong relationship of trust with Rachel.  During the intensive fact gathering and witness preparation, many meetings were had with the legal team at Rachel’s dining room table.  The team also helped Rachel with important safety planning and safety measures for her and her children, including getting Rachel a new cellphone and helping her move several times to avoid detection. The team worked especially hard to ensure that Rachel was comfortable with her testimony and that she was able to tell her story in her own voice, as she actually experienced it.  The legal team strove to hear what Rachel wanted and do what she wished for, empowering this extraordinarily resilient woman who had been in situations of extreme control her entire life.

All of Rachel’s children’s kidnappers were convicted of child abduction and other federal crimes and are serving significant sentences in prison.  The dismissal of the Hague Convention case secured by the Weil team enabled the Brooklyn Family Court judge to move forward with the custody and order of protection cases, eventually granting Rachel the longest order of protection possible (5 years) and sole custody of all of her children.  Today, Rachel and her children are happily ensconced in their supportive Orthodox Jewish community in Brooklyn, where therapeutic support and local generosity has helped them recover from their ordeal and flourish in their new lives.

[1]           Names have been changed.


Join us at our Above & Beyond Awards Ceremony on October 25, 2023, as we honor Weil, Gotshal, and Freshfields’ outstanding pro bono work.

PURCHASE TICKETS

DONATE TODAY


Francesca L. Fulchignoni is a practice area associate in Sullivan & Cromwell’s Criminal Defense and Investigations Group.

Steptoe & Johnson Honored for Advocacy in Retaliatory Defamation Case

At this year’s Above & Beyond Awards, Sanctuary will honor Joseph Sanderson of Steptoe & Johnson LLP for his tireless, inspired, and compassionate advocacy on behalf of Sanctuary’s client.

Sanctuary for Families is pleased to honor accomplished trial lawyer Joseph Sanderson of Steptoe & Johnson LLP with an Above & Beyond Award for his tireless, inspired, and compassionate advocacy on behalf of Sanctuary’s client in a retaliatory defamation case.

Joseph is a well-known and accomplished litigator who has generously shared his expertise and experience to help Sanctuary’s client achieve a just outcome in a retaliatory defamation lawsuit. As Sanctuary’s client explained in her affidavit, her ex-husband—an NYPD officer—had physically and sexually abused her during their marriage. She later reported the abuse to the NYPD in an attempt to protect herself and stop the abuse. Later, as he faced contempt proceedings in their divorce case, the abuser filed a defamation lawsuit against her based on this report to the NYPD.

Sadly, defamation lawsuits against survivors who speak out about their abuse have been increasing. They are now another tool enabling abusers to harass, intimidate, and punish the victims of their violence. In addition to trying to silence survivors, these retaliatory lawsuits are often used to try to coerce survivors into dropping relief to which they are entitled in matrimonial or custody proceedings or not cooperating with criminal or other investigations. Pro bono attorneys like Joseph are critical in the effort to counteract this dangerous trend.

Sanctuary attorneys who specialize in family law had been representing the client in her divorce matter when the defamation lawsuit was filed against her. Sanctuary attorneys do not regularly litigate tort cases and have limited bandwidth to handle this type of collateral civil litigation. Fortunately for our client, Joseph has built up significant experience and expertise from volunteering to represent other pro bono clients who have been subjected to malicious defamation claims by their abusers as a means of harassment, retaliation and intimidation. Joseph’s sense of justice and fairness has led him to reach out to survivors who have courageously stepped forward to file complaints to stop their abuse or bring their abuser to justice, only to have their abuser misuse defamation law as a means to silence or intimidate them. Through a combination of skillful strategy, insightful knowledge of the complex workings of the court system, and desire to make sure that the legal system did not fail Sanctuary’s client, Joseph was able to obtain a voluntary Stipulation of Discontinuance of the case. Joseph employed a mix of patience, endurance and diligence in obtaining the best possible outcome.

Joseph started working on the case in June 2021 when he was at his former firm, Kirkland & Ellis, and took the case with him when he moved firms to Steptoe so our client would have continuous and consistent representation. After Joseph’s strategic motion practice—which required opposing counsel to spend significant time and money pursuing a case in which they may have expected the client would quickly fold—opposing counsel eventually agreed to drop the case altogether in a courtroom hallway while waiting for a motion to be heard. During the course of the several years long litigation, Joseph was dogged in his representation of the client, including by filing multiple applications with the Court, including a request to seal documents and sanction the other side in order to protect confidential client information that was disclosed in her ex-husband’s filings, which itself created pressure to discontinue the case.

Hannah West, the dedicated Sanctuary for Families lawyer handling the client’s divorce nominated Joseph for this Award, saying,

“I was impressed and grateful for Joseph’s ability to manage the case and all communications with the client so independently and skillfully. Most importantly, Joseph was collaborative with our client by being in constant communication with her and explaining in detail his case strategy, while listening to our client’s concerns and being responsive to her questions and guided by her needs.”

In addition to his pro bono work on behalf of survivors of abuse and violence, Joseph also advocates for reforms in the court system as a member of bar association committees. It is a testament to his skilled management of this sensitive case and thorough understanding of the workings of the legal system that Joseph was able to use the delays and pace of the court system to achieve such a positive outcome for our client. Had Joseph not been able to obtain the discontinuance of the case, our client may have lost her faith in the justice system that was punishing her for bravely coming forward to stop her abuse, and her ability to testify in the family law proceedings would also be impaired, jeopardizing her receiving a fair and favorable outcome.

Thanks to her courage and resilience, our client is moving forward with her life and thriving in her new profession. She recognizes that Joseph’s compassionate and empowering representation has helped her achieve her goals for her future, so when asked if she wanted to say anything in relation to Joseph’s Above & Beyond Award, Ms. S said she would do “anything for Mr. Sanderson” because of his ability to resolve the matter so smoothly and compassionately. Meanwhile, Joseph continues to share his trial advocacy talents to empower survivors by taking on other similar pro bono matters. We thank Joseph and are pleased to honor him for his dedication and generosity in volunteering his time and talents to such tireless, empowering and trauma-informed representation of Sanctuary for Families clients and other brave survivors of abuse and gender based violence.


Join us at our Above & Beyond Awards Ceremony on October 25, 2023, as we honor Steptoe & Johnson’s outstanding pro bono work.

PURCHASE TICKETS

DONATE TODAY


Tushna Gamadia is an of counsel in the Real Estate Group at Morrison & Foerster LLP, works with Sanctuary for Families’ clients on pro bono cases and is a member of Sanctuary for Families Pro Bono Council.